The social meanings of virginity in contemporary U.S.
society are different for women than men. Women are taught that their virginity
is precious, that having sex is bad, and that they should wait until marriage. Men
on the other hand, are taught that sex is good, it makes them manly, and that they
do not have to wait until marriage. Dictionaries have defined “virginity” as an
“unmarried woman” or a “religious woman.” There is no such definition for men.
Virginity is an important aspect of contemporary femininity in many societies
because it deals with the sexualization of women. As I said before, women are
taught that having sex before marriage is bad and that they are unpure if they
do have premarital sex. This idea has been around for centuries.
Establishing paternity has to do with femininity because,
traditionally, it is the father’s job to protect his daughter and her purity. The
father polishing his shotgun as he waits for his daughter’s date to pick her up
is what I think of when talking about the establishing paternity in femininity.
In the film, The Purity Myth, the
paternity aspect is shown by talking about something called “Purity Balls.” It is
where daughters dress up in ball gowns and have their hair and makeup done and
attend the dance with their fathers; essentially, a father-daughter dance. At some
point during the ball, the girls pledge their femininity to their fathers,
while their fathers pledge to protect their daughter’s virginity at all cost. This
is related to the control of women’s sexuality and the “ethics of passivity” because
it brings the daughter under the control of the father and the daughters are
made up for this occasion to be beautiful, feminine, and pure. There is even a
point in some purity balls when some of the girls do ballet around a wooden cross.
And by focusing on the girls’ virginity, they are sexualizing them, which is
kind of ironic, considering that that is the opposite of what they are trying
to do. The “ethics of passivity” are what Jessica Valenti calls the qualities
of the society’s picture of the typical virgin. “She is sexy, but not sexual. She's
young, white, and skinny. She's a cheerleader, a babysitter; she's accessible
and eager to please. She's never a woman of color. She's never a low-income
girl or a fat girl. She's never disabled.”
According
to Valenti, the contemporary virginity movement has a woman’s virginity as the
ultimate test of her character. To say that virginity is a “moral quick fix,”
is saying that you could be the meanest, nastiest, most horrible woman there
is, but it’s all good as long as you’re a virgin. Abstinence education fits
into this discussion because it teaches that sex is bad, and in some cases, it
teaches that it will kill you. It makes me think of the movie, Mean Girls, when Cady, played by Lindsay
Lohan when she cuts class and says, “I guess I’ll never know what I missed on
that first day of health class.” The movie cuts to her health class that she is
missing as her teacher says, “Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.” Later on in the movie, it shows her in
health class as her teacher says, “Don’t have sex. Because you will get chlamydia. And die.” Back to
the subject of abstinence education, they are also telling adolescents that no
sex is safe sex, which, is technically true. It is a risk you choose to make. However,
they focus on the tiny margin of when protection does not succeed in preventing
pregnancy or STDs. They also try to make the darkness of it better by humor and
abstinence conferences in glamourous places such as Puerto Rico. They even have
clothes that emphasize a girl’s virginal status, promise rings, and posters. Also,
many abstinence-only educators preach straight up lies, as discussed in a 2004
report by Henry Waxman. His report showed that over 80% of the abstinence-only
curriculum either distorted information or told straight up lies to scare kids
into submission. Also, in the video, a CNN report backed up this report by
showing a few things taught in these classes that were incorrect or only
theoretical at best. These were that 31% of condoms fail, mutual masturbation
can lead to pregnancy, and that 10% of women having abortions become sterile. Evidence
shows that these programs don’t work. My school didn’t talk much about sex. They
were more focused on keeping us off of drugs. They just told us to be safe. It was
vague, but it worked. I used to want to wait until marriage to have sex, but it
stressed my out. I would worry that I would never get married or that I would
be 50 by the time it actually happened. My mother waited until marriage, and I was
raised with traditional beliefs for at least the first third of my life, so it
shocked me when I was in the car with my mom during my sophomore year of high
school, and she suddenly and randomly said, “I want you to have sex before
marriage. I want you to experience what I didn’t. Have sex with a bunch of guys
in college. Just, if you want to do it, talk to me about it first, and I will
make sure you are safe.” It was a little odd, but I agreed. I made my own
version that if it happened, it happened, but it would be with someone that I truly
love. Now, I haven’t gone around campus sleeping with guys, but my senior year
of high school, I started dating my boyfriend, whom I was best friends with for
about three years prior. After dating for almost six months, we talked about it
and decided that we wanted to. So I awkwardly brought it up during a car ride
with my mom. She was a bit surprised but said okay. She came home later that
day and threw a box of condoms at me as she walked through the door. I was
mortified for about 30 minutes, but eventually mellowed out. I think sex
education should be more like that. “Just be safe, and don’t be stupid.”- my
mom.
The Purity Myth. Media Education Foundation. Valenti, Jessica.
2011. Web. 19 February 2015.
Link to some kind of version of The Purity Myth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWQnCcwPf_0
*YouTube did not have the version that I watched. This one might be similar, but it is not what I watched, To watch the same one, you may have to rent it.
Links to Mean Girls moments:
